I Do... Not
by JM
Summary: a tk/kari ficcie!!! after careful consideration, tk had decided to *cough* to kari. find out what t.k did! tears will fall, and hearts will be broken, but will kari realize her mistake before it's too late?
1. Tears and Heartbreak

AN: Hello to all Tkari fans who's reading this. Yes, I'm really excited about this fic, not just because it's my first fic for this couple, not including any other couples (okay, so there's a hint of Mimato), but also because I just love the plot of the story. If this is similar to some fic you guys have written and/or read, I assure you that it is pure coincidence. Please tell me if you like! 

Disclaimer: I'm still here, in case the owners of Digimon decided to give Yamato away. Wonder when that'll be. Oh well, I can still pretend I own Digimon even if I don't, right? Right.

~*

I Do… Not

~*

The gloomy, winter sky that enveloped the whole city for the past two days was finally giving the sun a chance to shine once more. Little by little, pillars of bright light pierced through the cloudy sky, indicating that in just a few moments, the giant ball of fire will once again rule the heavens.

A very nervous Takeru Takaishi paced around his living room, making his already irate brother even more furious. Yamato pried his azure eyes from the sports magazine he was reading to look at his younger sibling.

" T.K. I swear if you don't stop, I will be forced to tie you to the chair," Yamato threatened. Takeru gave his brother a tired look with those same sapphire eyes and sighed.

" What if she says no? What if she's not ready?!" 

Yamato glared at him. 

" T.K., we've been through this before," moaned Yamato.

He then again buried his face in the magazine he was reading. Takeru went up to where his brother was and rudely yanked the reading material from his hands.

" Hey!" Yamato yelped.

" Matt! Can't you see that I'm in total need of advice here?" Takeru demanded. 

Yamato closed his eyes for a moment, trying to keep his cool. After all, his brother is already freaked out about this whole thing as it is. The last thing Takeru needs is Yamato giving him a long, boring lecture.

" T.K.," he started, once he has calmed down. " You're making this harder than it really is. Just take her to dinner then go to the park or somewhere you two can be alone. Then pop the question. It's as simple as that!"

He immediately dived for his magazine that was still in Takeru's grasp who, fortunately for Yamato, is now too occupied with his own thoughts to notice the robbery that had just occured.

" But what if she says no?"

" Bro, this is Kari we're talking about. The girl's crazy for you! Why are you having doubts?"

Takeru let out a long sigh. He covered his face with his now empty hands, in frustration.

" I don't know if she's ready," he confessed.

Yamato smiled mildly at his brother, understanding what he's going through.

" Just try."

~*

Hikari Kamiya brushed away some of her mahogany tendrils that escaped her loose bun. She was sitting in the living room, waiting for Takeru to make his appearance. Hikari glanced at her watch for what seemed like the hundredth time that night. 

8:12 it read. He's now twelve minutes late. Hikari was getting a little worried. Usually Takeru is at least five minutes early. What's keeping him?

She was just about to grab the phone and call him when the doorbell rang. Praying that the person who's at the door is the one she was anxiously awaiting for, she quickly got off the sofa and dashed to the front door. There, standing with his usual disheveled blond hair neatly combed, and holding a bouquet of white roses, was her boyfriend. 

A relieved smile crossed her attractive face as he greeted her with a peck on the cheek and an apology. Brushing off the excuse, she grabbed her coat from the rack, and both of them went out into the cold night.

~*

" Is it good?" Takeru asked, unable to hide his nervousness.

Hikari, who was too busy eating her strawberry cheesecake to notice replied, " Really good."

" Good," breathe Takeru, who once again returned to staring at his dessert.

The night is not going well at all. Not at all! Everything seems to be going wrong. First a clumsy waiter spilled water on him when he tripped, causing a big commotion. Then they waited for almost thirty minutes for their orders to arrive. And to top it all off, they haven't said a thing to each other all through dinner. Usually, he would lighten up the mood by cracking a joke or two, but tonight, his mind is just blank. 

Hikari gentle set her fork on the plate with the half-eaten dessert and looked at Takeru with questioning eyes.

" T.K., what's wrong?" she finally asked, making those sapphire eyes of his look straight into hers. He was quiet for a while.

" No-nothing," he stuttered, averting his gaze from her.

" Oh," was all she could say.

~*

Hikari rubbed her hands together in attempt to warm them up. Takeru had suggested that they go for a walk through the park. This puzzled her at first. It is winter after all, and to many people, the idea is just simply idiotic. 

" Come on," Takeru whispered as he led her to a nearby bench.

After positioning herself beside Takeru, Hikari looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to say whatever he needs to say. 

" Ka-Kari," the blonde stammered, " I-I want to explain to you what's been happening."

" Well, I'm gla-"

" Please don't say anything yet," he pleaded, cutting her off by putting his fingers on her lips. " Please. It-it's just that I don't think I'll be able to say all the things I want to tell you if I'm interrupted." He paused as he took in a deep, shuddering breath. 

" Kari, you've been the most wonderful person I've ever had the pleasure of having in my life. I-I cherished the times we spent together. You were always by my side, even though sometimes you know I'm being stupid. You're the one person that believed in me when I started to doubt myself. The one who's kept me strong through all these years. The one who taught me never to lose hope. 

You're one of the few people who can cheer me up just by smiling. I-I don't know, but you just have that special gift.

Kari, we've been through rough times. Especially with our relationship. But after five years. Five, long years, full of happiness, surprises, sadness, pain, and tears, we stayed together. We had passed tests after tests. Worked out all disagreements. Together." Takeru got out of his seat and kneeled before Hikari, who finally realized what he was trying to tell her.

" Hikari Kamiya," he continued while taking a small, black velvet box from his coat pocket and opening it, revealing a simple emerald ring shaped like a heart. Her birth stone. " This may sound corny, but you have to know that you are my light. My love. And after all those years together, I'll be the stupidest person in the entire galaxy if I let you go. I love you so much. Please. Please marry me," he whispered as tears slowly formed in his eyes.

Hikari looked at him with tears streaming down her lovely face. The guy she loved, the one who she had dreamed to spend the rest of her life with, was kneeling down in front of her, waiting for the answer.

What Takeru heard next ripped his heart into shreds and shattered his dreams into a million of pieces. 

" I-I can't," Hikari sobbed, and she ran off into the night.

~*

He walked towards his car, which was parked in the empty lot. He felt numb. Lifeless. The cold winter breeze blew, making the bare trees dance like skeletons in the middle of the night. Soft snow fell from the sky like tiny feathers.

Takeru inserted the key into the keyhole and slid in his car, staring straight into nothing. He closed his eyes as he realized how exhausted he was. Leaning back on his seat, he sat quietly and sobbed. The tears his heart cannot cry poured from his puffy eyes and down his flushed cheeks like rain, as emotions boiled inside him, turning the rain into a storm.

As he sat there, replaying the scene over and over again until his brain throb, there was only one question he wanted to be answered. Why? He had thought, that after all those years they had spent together, she loved him as much as he loved her. That she'd be more than happy to finally walk down that aisle, stand hand in hand with him before many witnesses, and declare her simple " I do". Because he sure was. He was ready. He was obviously mistaken. 

~*

She never knew her heart can feel so much pain. Being a Science teacher, she had never really paid attention to what it's saying or feeling. To her, it was just another organ whose only job is to pump blood into our body to keep us alive. 

She had seen many people get their hearts broken in soap operas and movies, and they had described it often, " as if it was being torn in two". She scoffed at such nonsense, because it isn't logical. Because it isn't real life.

She was wrong, because she was sitting in her room that very minute and crying over her shattered heart. It was impossible to put it back together. It was incomplete now, because still, there were smaller pieces hidden in corners that she cannot reach, for the passages were dark as night and her only light had died. 

At that moment, she knew the she wasn't the only one trying to put the pieces back. She knew that he too, is still searching for the smaller pieces in the dark corners, for he's lost his own light. She took it from him because she was selfish. And because she was scared.

~*

" So you said no?"

Hikari nodded silently, who was "busy" with her cooking. 

" Scrambled eggs, right?" she asked her company, changing the subject.

A pair of chocolate brown eyes narrowed, as the owner watched the brunette run around the kitchen like a lost duckling.

" You know, I just don't understand why you-"

" Look, I don't want to get into that right now, alright?" the woman cut in. " I have a lot to do today Tai, so I would appreciate it if you just don't mention it again." Her voice quivered a little as she tried to retain the oncoming tears that was forming in her eyes.

" I'll finish this up. Just go rest," an affectionate male voice said behind the sniffling woman.

Hikari nodded and turned around to leave, but stopping a few feet away before running back to her brother's loving arms and muffling a little thank you.

~*

Yamato felt a tinge of anger towards Hikari as he watched his brother in the living room staring unseeing at the bare wall. He'd already figured out what had happened from the way he looked the minute he came in last night. With red eyes, droopy shoulders, and a dull expression on his face, it was rather easy to guess that she refused his proposal. 

" Hey, want some company?" Yamato queried, thinking of a more better way to start interrogating by going around the subject, and not diving right into it. 

" I'm not really in the mood to talk right now," the other blonde snapped. Yamato brushed off the comment and sat beside his little brother.

He sighed. 

" You know, when I had first asked Mimi to marry me, she refused, just like Kari did," Yamato began. This took Takeru by surprise, despite his mood. 

" I never gave up though. I went over to her house the next day and begged her to tell me why she had said no."

Interested, Takeru asked, " What did she say?"

Yamato turned his blue eyes to look straight into his brother's, as a mysterious smile crossed his face. 

" You have to find that out for yourself," he replied, patting his brother's shoulder and left the room to let Takeru think on his own.

~*

He's skin stung as invisible needles prick on it like a pincushion. He walked down a deserted street with his head bowed, thinking about what his brother had said. Soft snow were crushed mercilessly and unnoticed underneath his black boots. 

Takeru stopped and turned at a corner, finally looked up from his boots, and immediately recognized the street. He was about to turn around and go the other way, but his curiosity got the better of him. He was curious. He wants to know the answer; he _needs_ to know, for he cannot live one single day fearing that his heart would forever be incomplete.

~*

The urgent sound of the doorbell startled Hikari, who was lying on the couch of their living room, reading a Style magazine. Groaning, she forced her limp body off the couch and dragged herself towards the door.

Standing there with flushed cheeks and puffy, bloodshot eyes was Takeru. Hikari was about to close the door in his face, but as if on reflex, he held up his hand to keep it open.

" What do you want T. K?" she demanded, rather coldly which surprised both she and Takeru. 

" Can I come in?" he asked, sounding heartbroken and desperate.

Hikari restrained herself from bursting into tears, and kept that apathetic expression on her face that matched her frigid tone moments ago. She stepped aside and let her visitor walk in. Takeru slowly closed the door.

" Why?" he whispered, unable to control the trembling of his voice. 

" I don't have to speak to you if I do not want to, please just go," the woman replied, her voice strong and demanding, while she avoid his gaze which was pointed directly to her.

A few moments have passed, each quiet in his or her lonely miserable world.

" Why Kari?" was the whispered question that came from Takeru.

In the brim of tears, she plead softly, " Please just go," and buried her face in her hands.

" No! I want to know why?" he sobbed, as drop after drop of the familiar liquid streaked down his cheeks.

" Fine, you want to know why?!" she burst out, looking at him fiercely with her soft brown eyes shimmering with tears. " Because I'm scared, okay! I-I'm afraid tha-that after a while, we'd realize that getting married is the biggest mistake of our life! Then we'd get tired of quarrelling and decide to live separate lives! I'm scared of being hurt again, and I'm sick and tired of putting my heart back together whenever it gets broken!"

Takeru looked at her with eyes full of pain that he felt. 

" That won't happen!"

" How do you know?! How can you be sure?!"

" Because I love you! And because I won't let it happen!" he argued.

" Just get out T.K."

" Kari-"

" Just get out!" she yelled

" No!" he protested. " I won't! Not until you tell me the real reason why!"

" Because I don't love you!" 

To be continued…

~*

AN: You know, I was going to write it as a one-part story, but really, I can't help it! I love cliffhangers. Please don't flame me! Anyway, the last part will be up soon. I'm taking advantage of our 4-day vacation this Labor Day. Then it will be time to hit those books again. Don't worry because this isn't going to be like Rivals, where I kept changing the number of chapters there might be in the story. Of course that reminds me, anybody who has read **Rivals**, a big thank you! I'm currently working on the next chapter, so please be patient with me. I will get it done, but with school and all, it might be difficult. Whoa! This AN is way too long. Again, please review, and thank you for reading. Ja ne! 

Bye and God Bless Guys!

~hugz~

angel joy87 


	2. Eternity not Forever (Conclusion)

AN: Hey minna! First of all, thank you so much for reading the first part of my fic. I never expected to get that much reviews! Hopefully, this chapter you will like more since the last one was kinda sad. As always, happy reading and please review!

And, I would like to say I'm sorry for the victims of the tragedy that occurred the last week. 

Takeru: *big watery eyes* Kari does love me! She has too! *pulled a dandelion and started pulling petal after petal* She loves me, she loves me not. She loves me, she loves me not..

Taichi: *pats Takeru's back* I feel for you buddy. I really do.

Me: How about me? *points to self* I need comforting too since, I DONT OWN DIGIMON! How come nobody's patting my back?! *wails*

Yamato: Oh, it's okay. *pats my back*

Me: Thanks a lot Matt. I hope time will soon mend my broken heart for I cannot bear such pain any longer. 

Yamato: *cocked an eyebrow* Uh... don't you think you're overreacting?

Me: No! *resumes crying*

~*

I Do... Not

~*

Last time:

" Kari-"

" Just get out!" she yelled

" No!" he protested. " I won't! Not until you tell me the real reason why!"

" Because I don't love you!"

~*

The tears seemed to stop pouring from his puffy, sapphire orbs all of a sudden. Her harsh words were like hard, painful blows striking straight through his already bleeding heart. He felt as though his lungs were being deflated, causing a malfunction to his breathing. She can't mean that. Surely he must've heard wrong.

" No," he whispered all the while shaking his head unconsciously, not believing a word she had said.

" I don't love you! Is that what you want to hear?!" Kari continued her hysterical fit. 

" No Kari," he pleaded, voice hoarse and barely audible. " No. No Kari, I refuse to believe that!"

Hikari's face fell for only a mere second, betraying the mixed emotion of self-loathing and grieve that was carefully hidden behind the cold façade. Her change of emotion went unnoticed by Takeru's blurred vision.

" I will ask you again to please leave," she dictated, wiping the stream of tears from her cheeks. 

" Kari no! I don't believe you!"

Takeru, too caught up with his emotions, pulled Hikari into a tight embrace, crushing the young woman's petite form in his muscular frame. Hikari, restraining the oncoming tears that will surely break free any second, tried to break loose of the steel hold he had on her.

She let out a small whimper before pushing him away and running up to her bedroom, leaving Takeru to mourn for his loss while she grieved on hers alone and unseen.

~*

Expressive, hazel eyes moved from left to right as the owner read furiously, engrossed with the book she had just purchased yesterday. Besides her even breathing, pages being turned, and the gasps that escaped her throat now and then, nothing was heard in the spacious living room. A thundering crash pulled the woman's attention back to reality. The tear-stained face of Takeru appeared on the door, not acknowledging her stunned presence as he came waltzing in. 

Takeru exited the living room and strolled down the hall to his room, the woman in hot pursuit. 

Slamming the door shut, he leaned on the wooden portal for support and broke down. A soft knocking on the door made him stop for a moment.

" T.K?" a gentle voice queried from the other side.

" Leave me alone Mimi, I would like to be alone for now!" he snapped rather harshly.

" It's okay T.K. I just want to help," she murmured.

Takeru's face hardened.

" I don't want any pity from you or anybody else."

" T.K. please. Just talk to me," she replied, a hint of worry and desperation in her voice.

He buried his face in his hands. He can't deal with this right now. He can't talk about it. Not right now. The jingling of the doorknob startled him as his persistent sister-in-law tried to open his door. Jumping up to his feet, he tried to wipe the tears that streamed down his cheeks. Mimi, who had managed to open the door, looked at him with a sympathetic look.

He didn't know what happened after that. Something just snapped inside of him as he once again broke down into helpless sobs. Mimi caught him in her gentle embrace as he collapsed on the floor.

" It's going to be alright," she assured, stroking his hair in attempt to calm him down. 

" It hurts," he whimpered like a child. " It hurts so bad."

" I know," she whispered, tears in her eyes. " I know."

" It hurts," he repeated while holding onto her like there was no tomorrow. 

Nothing was said between them after that. The only sound that was heard was Takeru's sniffling and the deafening sound of his heart as it slowly crumbled into a heap of rubble that only he could hear.

~*

Trying to forget Takeru's expression was hard, as Hikari soon found out. Everywhere she looked she see his unbelieving face as she said those cruel, untrue words. 

Groaning, she pushed herself off the bed and went to her private bathroom to wash her face. 

She had to get out of the blasted room sometime. She had spent the entire week locked up in there, doing nothing but cry her eyes out. Taichi, though more than a little worried about his young sister, did not dare to intrude her privacy. She needed some time alone, that he knows, but sometimes he couldn't help the urge to go up there and drag her out.

Watching television did not help at all to ease his worries about his sister. Frustrated, he flicked the remote and turned off the t.v. just as Hikari walked through the living room doorway and flopped herself on the couch with his brother. Snatching the remote control from her brother, who's apparently surprised at her sudden arrival, she switched the television on.

Hikari, aware of the looks her brother is giving her as she switch the channel, cleared her throat and declared with a laugh, " Chill Tai, blink for crying out loud."

Hikari's statement brought the dazed Taichi back to reality, as he slowly averted his gaze from her. Unable to believe what he saw, he looked at the corner of his eyes just to see his sister's usual happy face masked with a serious one.

" Jeez Kari," he sighed, " about time you get out of that room."

She just shrugged.

" Matt called, you know," he informed. " Seems like Takeru's in no better sha-"

" Please, can we not talk about it?" she asked, cutting his sentence short. " I'm so tired of thinking about it."

" No, I think we should talk," Tai persisted, turning fully to her.

Hikari rolled her eyes and sighed loudly before getting up from her seat and preparing to leave, in attempt to avoid the subject. Taichi's hand shot up, grabbing her wrist and pulling her back to her seat.

" Let go, Tai!" she ordered, trying to squirm her wrist out of his steel grasp.

Her brother's expression was a mix of sympathy and accusation.

" You lied to him Kari," he whispered.

" I don't care," she cried.

" Why do you do this?"

" Because I can!" she shot back. Hot tears prick at the back of her eyes which she refuse to release, as she tried to pry her hand from Tai.

Taichi, unable to deal with his sister's attitude, grabbed her other hand and forced her to look at him.

" Don't you ever give up?!" he bellowed. " You are so content seeing other people find their happy ending while you sit there and watch yours slip away!"

" You should talk! How come you never chased after your happy ending?!" she sobbed, tears running down her face. 

He was speechless for a moment.

" Huh Tai? I'll tell you why. Because you were a coward! You were scared too! Just like me!"

" Don't you bring up that subject," he threatened.

Hikari, unfazed by his words chuckled bitterly.

" Oh yeah, you are Tai. Because if you weren't, you should be with her right this minute!"

" You don't know what your talking about!" he shouted in protest, jumping to his feet.

" Oh, I do know what I'm talking about, Tai."

She looked at him with eyes filled with hatred.

" What happened to you?" he whispered.

The look of disappointment on Taichi's face broke her heart. Collapsing on the floor, she cried, holding onto her brother who, fortunately, caught her.

" I love him so much Tai!" she cried, burying her face in his shoulders. " I love him so much."

" Then why did you lie to him?" he whispered as tears streamed down his handsome face.

" Because I'm scared," she hiccuped.

Taichi sighed, rubbing her back for comfort.

" You're not the only one who's scared. Can't you see that T.K's afraid too? But he's willing to go for it and risk his heart to the pain he'll have to go through. I think all he wants is for you to give your relationship a chance to move on to the next level."

" I don't want to get hurt. And I certainly don't want to hurt him," she reasoned.

" But don't you realize that that is exactly what you're doing to him now?" he questioned softly.

Hikari did not answer that. She already knew the answer, and she did not like it at all.

" I am so cruel," she whimpered.

" No," he said, " just a coward."

Hikari had to giggle at his comment, despite her current condition. Taichi's face brightened as he watched his sister's eyes dance in mirth.

" You are so mean," she teased. " But thanks."

She then wrapped him in her warm embrace and kissing his soft, moist cheeks before whispering, " I'm going to get my happy ending back. Maybe it's not too late to go after yours."

He smiled as his sister released him and ran upstairs to her room.

" Maybe I will."

~*

Hikari fiddled with her heart shaped necklace nervously, which was given to her by Takeru on her 18th birthday. She was standing outside Yamato and Mimi's house where Takeru was living.

Taking a deep breath, she straightened up and proceeded walking toward the front door. After reaching her destination, she closed her eyes for a moment to calm herself, and pressed the doorbell. A few moments have passed before someone opened the door.

That someone was Takeru Ishida, still wearing his pajama in the middle of the afternoon, with tousled blonde hair and bloodshot eyes, which widen in surprise when he saw the figure standing at the door.

" Hi," Hikari greeted softly, head bowed.

Takeru prepared to close the door mostly because he doesn't want to look at her and partially because he doesn't want her to see him looking like a wreck.

" T.K. just let me explain," she pleaded.

" You don't have to Kari," he said coldly, which crushed Hikari immensely.

" Well," she whispered, " I guess I deserve that."

Takeru stepped aside from the door, indicating her to go in.

Glancing at her wearing bell bottom jeans and yellow sweater underneath her black winter jacket, he thought, ' I look like crap."

He combed his hair with his hands.

" Umm..." Hikari began nervously, turning around to face him.

" Please sit down," offered Takeru, trying to sound as calm as possible when all the while all he wanted to do was cry as that dreadful day kept repeating in his mind.

" No, no that's alright," was her reply.

An awkward silence enveloped them as Takeru stared intently at her, trying to restrain the expected tears, and Hikari, finding the floor more interesting than her companion.

Takeru, unable to bear the tension between them, drew a shaky breath before whispering, " You don't have to say anything. I've already accepted your decision."

The hint of hopelessness in his voice broke her heart, knowing that she was the one who did this to him.

" I'm sorry!" she cried as she flung herself to Takeru, who was caught off guard. " I'm so sorry I ever said that. I was stupid, cruel, and heartless. I didn't consider your feelings, and now I'm just so," she paused, looking for the right word, " sorry."

" Kari-" he began.

" Please forgive me T.K.," she pleaded, cutting him short. " I love you so much."

She tightened her embrace around him, emphasizing her feelings.

" I just want you to hear me say that," she whimpered as she let go of him and started for the door. " Goodbye."

Takeru turned around, gazing lovingly at her retreating form. He smiled tearfully and quickly followed her outside.

" I don't believe you," he called out.

Hikari stopped in her tracks, powerless to stop the tears that ran freely down her face. She turned around just to be greeted by Takeru's short, sweet kiss, and a tight hug.

" I don't believe, you want to say goodbye to me," he whispered.

It was as if tons of bricks were lifted from her life. Her heart seemed to flutter into the heavens as she sighed contently in his arms, tears of happiness running down her cheeks as she wrap her arms around him tightly.

" No," she mumbled in his shoulder, " I don't suppose I do."

Takeru lifted her up and swung her around and around, her laughter ringing in his ears like music. He finally put her down the ground, gazing at her with all the love he felt radiating from his sapphire eyes.

" Please say you'll be mine forever?" he said softly.

She sighed heavily. " I can't." 

Takeru's face fell. Hikari hid her glee underneath the serious mask before continuing. 

" Because I want to be with you for all eternity," she said with a smile.

Takeru's face broke into a huge grin.

" Well," he began, " you do realize that is corny, right?".

Hikari laughed out loud, eyes glittering in happiness.

" Yeah, but not as corny as your proposal."

Takeru frowned cutely. 

" Hey! You don't really think it was corny, do you?" he asked, a tinge of hope in his voice.

" No," Hikari replied, shaking her head. " It was... romantic."

~*

AN: So guys, what'd you think? Pretty good? Better than nothing? Wasted your time reading? Well, it was a sucky fic. I should know. Tell me what you think, okay?

Bye and God Bless Everyone!

~hugz~

angel joy87


End file.
